Laugh for the day. - Page 263 - Graybeard Outdoors
 
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post #2621 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
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Felix from the odd couple went on a ballon ride. He did not have enough hot air and crashed in a remote part of the desert.
A few days went by with no relief in site. Then...

A plane. Yes Felix saw a plane! The land was so rough that the plane could not land, but they threw him a radio so that they could communicate with him.
"Please help me I am dying of thirst", Felix said. The crew said they were going back to get a helicopter but first they would drop him a bag of water.
"I have plenty of water" said Felix, "drop me a cup!"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2622 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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How do you clear an ISIS bingo hall?
Call "B-52"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2623 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-29-2019, 12:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex 49er View Post
How do you clear an ISIS bingo hall?
Call "B-52"

That has to be the funniest joke you've posted...


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post #2624 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-29-2019, 01:01 AM Thread Starter
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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and
therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax---OH MY...!"

Then silence.

Soon, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier but while I was talking,
the flight-attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and she spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2625 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-29-2019, 03:04 AM Thread Starter
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At New York's Kennedy Airport, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler,
a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2626 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-29-2019, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
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A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes.
The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. He took a chute and jumped.

The priest looks and the young boy, and reflecting back on his life, told the young boy to take the last parachute since he had already lived a wonderful and full life.

The boy replied, "You can have the other chute because the smartest man on this plane just jumped out with my bookbag!"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2627 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-30-2019, 12:35 AM Thread Starter
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I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport,
the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.

He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"

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post #2628 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-30-2019, 12:40 AM Thread Starter
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While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hel* are you going?

I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the
irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke
the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2629 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-30-2019, 11:35 AM Thread Starter
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One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

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post #2630 of 3513 (permalink) Old 09-30-2019, 11:36 AM Thread Starter
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A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if
she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'

Not one hand went up..so she took them home and ate them herself.

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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