Laugh for the day. - Page 265 - Graybeard Outdoors
 
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post #2641 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-02-2019, 11:11 AM
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"yep, 'cuz it can't be a joke unless it is factually correct.
^this^"

don't care what they label them, I thought it was funny.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus
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post #2642 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-02-2019, 11:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodshot View Post
"yep, 'cuz it can't be a joke unless it is factually correct.
^this^"

don't care what they label them, I thought it was funny.
I was agreeing with the facetiousness, didn't convey that too well did I?

Go Donald Go!!
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post #2643 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-02-2019, 11:21 AM Thread Starter
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A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free back to school shopping.
While in the sports shop the son picks up an Oklahoma jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Sooner fan and
I would like to wear this to school".

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".

Off goes the little lad with the Oklahoma jersey in hand and finds his mother.

"Mom?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey".

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"

Off he goes with the Oklahoma Jersey in hand and finds his father.

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey".

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT CRAP!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.

The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good son, what is it?"

To which the son replies, "I've only been a Oklahoma fan for an hour and I already hate you Texas bustards."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2644 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-02-2019, 01:00 PM
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Sorry Rosewood, I just read the message,I didn't connect it was you, then i would have "got it"!
best wishes

Come quickly, Lord Jesus
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post #2645 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-02-2019, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GUNNUT in Iowa View Post
Yep, 'cuz it can't be a joke unless it is factually correct.
Sometimes it is difficult to show sarcasm on the internet. Some forums I am a member of use green font. Some have cute little "smilies". Some don't have anything.

Sorry about that.

One of the five sentences in this reply is sarcasm.

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post #2646 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 03:45 AM Thread Starter
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My mother says she never holds grudges but then will blindside you with something that happened years ago.

Last week she said, "You know, you really hurt me on your birthday."

And I was like, "Which birthday was that?"

So she replied, "The first one. You have a really big head, you know."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2647 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had
been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

Yes, they help me sleep at night. "

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear,I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 1
6 year old granddaughter drinks . . . and believe me, it helps me sleep at night. "

You gotta love Grandmas!

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2648 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 09:50 PM Thread Starter
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An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career ...
so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table ... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey,
I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive ... the son saw the note they had left.

Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined ... "

"Our son is going to be a politician!"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2649 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 09:53 PM Thread Starter
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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the
child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, Granddad is
working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy." Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say,
"It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman,
"It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and
no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William .......the little sh*t's name is Kevin."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2650 of 3541 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 09:55 PM Thread Starter
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A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. So what are your plans? The father asks the young man. I am a Torah scholar. He says.
A Torah scholar, Hmmm, the father says. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to? I will study,
the young man said, and God will provide for us.

And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves? asks the father. I will concentrate on my studies, the young man replies,
God will provide for us.

And children? asks the father. How will you support children? Dont worry, sir, God will provide, replies the fiancé.

The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, How did it go, Honey?

The father answers, He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God .

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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