Laugh for the day. - Page 266 - Graybeard Outdoors
 
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post #2651 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 09:59 PM Thread Starter
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All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father,
grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day,
they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when George's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake.
George stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, George went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father,
his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into George's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2652 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, "We will all die some day,
and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event."

"Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment."

Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"

A gentleman said, " I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives."

"Very good!" ,said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction."

"That's wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks."

Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-laws home?"

Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said, "Because, that would be the longest 4 weeks of my life!"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2653 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 04:08 AM Thread Starter
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I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.
"How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes?
Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2654 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 04:11 AM Thread Starter
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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say,
'And here's something for you, Diploma.' or 'This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma.' and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, 'Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?'

The grandmother replied, 'I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!'

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2655 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before!
All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheeks.

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2656 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 07:48 PM Thread Starter
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2657 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 07:51 PM Thread Starter
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Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain,
and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge------- into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.

Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG!
The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2658 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?"
The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune.
All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter
from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years."
"What was the result?"
"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2659 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #2660 of 3280 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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