Laugh for the day. - Page 351 - Graybeard Outdoors
 
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post #3501 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 09:35 PM Thread Starter
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The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov, who is Russian, Scotty, who is Scottish,
and Sulu, who is Chinese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "That's because it takes place in the future."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3502 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 09:38 PM Thread Starter
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The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight.
"I promise," were my last words.

The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and
headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.

Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!

Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quit pleased with
myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment,
I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised."
He didn't even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!

After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."

A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times,
giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3503 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 02:08 AM Thread Starter
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What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies!

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3504 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
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Scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and
observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3505 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?

A: Their middle name.

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3506 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 12:47 PM Thread Starter
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A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They
rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be
in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was
gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and
he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm ."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3507 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 10:10 PM Thread Starter
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A Jewish guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

Bartender says, "Hey where'd you get that?"

Parrot says, "In Brooklyn, they're everywhere."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3508 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 10:20 PM Thread Starter
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Q: What runs around a field but never moves?

A: A fence

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3509 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 10:21 PM Thread Starter
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An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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post #3510 of 3548 (permalink) Old 05-24-2020, 11:19 AM Thread Starter
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter

When you're walking on eggs; don't hop!!
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