|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|08-04-2019 06:52 PM|
….Sorry..an attempt to lighten up a heavy discussion..
|07-30-2019 04:53 PM|
Tell them when they are young enough to understand, my cousin was adopted, she was never told and when she was around 16 she found out more by accident that she was adopted and for the next few months it was a very trying time for the family caused a lot of problems.
|07-30-2019 02:43 PM|
The reason I say that is personal experience. My older brother and I are bio brothers, adopted when he was around 3 and I was around 1 yr old. Our bio mother was divorced and had three small kids to try to care for (in the 50's). She put my bro and me in a children's home, where we were placed as foster kids, then adopted. She was ok with the adoption, after learning how well we were doing with our foster parents.
We were told almost from the beginning that we were adopted, and were told that our bio mother loved us enough to want us to have the very best life possible.... so we grew up knowing that she allowed it because she loved us.
Our parents also told us, as we got older, that any time we wanted to try to find her, they would help us. This, of course, was well into our teen years, when we could make a semi-informed decision about what we wanted. We both had little desire to find her... not from a lack of love, or interest, more from a sense of contentment in the status quo.
I have talked to quite a few other adoptees, whose parents chose to not tell them until they were older, and without fail, they all spoke of a sense of betrayal. Most of them worked their way through it, but not all of them did.
Of course, this is still an individual thing, and there is no cut and dried "method" that works every time. I've just personally seen greater success being open as early as possible with the child.
|07-29-2019 04:26 PM|
Our daughter grew up knowing she was adopted.
And she has shown no desire to find her birth parents.
|07-29-2019 03:27 PM|
Originally Posted by hornetguy View Post
|07-29-2019 03:04 PM|
No. I don't think that is a healthy way to "inform" a child. A young child is much more open to that concept, before he/she grows up thinking they are biologically a part of the family, only to have the revelation dumped on them that they were adopted.
Earlier is better.
|06-09-2019 02:52 PM|
|mcbammer||Should you wait until a child is grown before revealing they are adopted or tell them when they are young ?|
|04-01-2019 04:32 PM|
Last year, I laid my elder brother to rest (a Korean War vet). We took the opportunity of the family reunion to bury his ashes.
We had a guest of interest at the reunion... a lady who was his "love child" from his late teenage years.
Of course, she met her brother (1/2 brother) for the first time!
I don't know the full details, but she found her heritage through "23&me"..and it was not difficult..
|04-01-2019 04:14 PM|
I was adopted at birth but I always knew who and where my family was. I knew the name and location and just chased down the family name in the location that I knew by phone. Ancestry.com should give you all the info you need to find your birth family. Have you looked at your birth certificate for your mothers name?
|04-01-2019 04:00 PM|
|EVH||Try testing at 23&Me and also uploading DNA to GEDMatch and FTDNA. My adopted cousin tested at Ancestry. Through 3rd and 4th cousin matches, it took a few months and I've identified both of her birth parents. BUT - had she tested at 23&Me also, we'd have known her mother right away because her 1/2 sister tested there!|
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