|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|Today 12:06 AM|
What's another name for a sugar daddy?
A lolly pop
|Today 12:01 AM|
During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.
The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room,
the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....
"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"
|Yesterday 08:06 PM|
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
|Yesterday 02:39 PM|
Originally Posted by powderman View Post
probably, but you better watch out for the claws....
|Yesterday 10:20 AM|
Three men walk into a room.
Two get shot.
How many are left?
Three—its not like the two that were shot could get up and walk out!
|Yesterday 10:17 AM|
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,
"Perfect timing. You're just like Moishe."
Cabbie: "C. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab.
It would have happened like that to Moishe every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine,
which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy ehh?
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me.
Passenger: "Mmm, not many like that around"
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong,
and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Moishe."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his widow."
|Yesterday 02:13 AM|
A man went to a fancy dress party wearing trousers, a roll-neck sweater, and a balaclava, all light brown.
He was carrying a woman,wearing a brown and fawn dress,piggy back style.
His host asked him what he had come as. He answered: "A tortoise.''
The host asked ''What about the woman?"
The man replied ''She's Michelle.''
|Yesterday 02:10 AM|
There were two old geezers living in the backwoods. Their names were Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river,
and they hated each other.
Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other.
"RUFUS!!" Clarence would shout. "You better thank your lucky stars that I can't swim . . . or I'd swim this river and whup your butt!!"
"CLARENCE!!" Rufus would holler back, "You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I can't swim . . . or I'd swim this river and
whup your skinny butt!!!"
This went on every morning. Every day. Twenty years.
One day the Army Corps of Engineers came and built a bridge. Still, every morning every day for another five years the shouting and
feuding across the river continued. Finally, Rufus wife has had enough.
"Rufus!" she yells, one day. "I can't take no more!! Every day for 25 years, you've been threatenin' to whup Clarence.
Well, there's the bridge...have at it!"
Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment. "Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place.
"I'm gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!"
He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway,
looked up....TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE HOUSE, SLAMMED THE DOOR, BOLTED THE WINDOWS,
GRABBED THE SHOTGUN AND DIVED, PANTING AND GASPING, UNDER THE BED!!!!!
"Rufus!" cried the misses. "I thought you was gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!"
"I was, woman, I was!!" he whispered.
"Rufus!" cried the misses. "What in tarnation is the matter?"
"Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, "I went to the bridge...I stepped up on the bridge...walked halfway over the bridge...looked up..."
"And?" she asked, breathless with suspense.
"And," continued Rufus, "I saw a sign that said, "Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches" He ain't never looked THAT big from the other side of the river!!!!!"
|04-08-2020 03:02 PM|
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time?”
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain: God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
|04-08-2020 12:42 PM|
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy mother' she asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
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