|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|Today 12:07 PM|
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone,
"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think
that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
|Today 12:02 PM|
A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.
He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree
leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What do you have there?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
|Today 11:59 AM|
One day in Contract Law class, the Professor asked one of his better students, 'Now if you were to give someone an orange,
how would you go about it?'
The student replied, 'Here's an orange.'
The professor was livid. 'No! No! Think like a lawyer!'
The student then recited, 'Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests,
rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds,
and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away
with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds,
instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'
|Yesterday 11:21 PM|
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
|Yesterday 11:20 PM|
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
|Yesterday 11:18 PM|
Customer: Do you have any cockroaches?
Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.
Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.
Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?
Customer: Iím moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.
|Yesterday 11:09 PM|
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
|Yesterday 10:37 AM|
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation.
In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:
There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won't do.
|Yesterday 10:35 AM|
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has
getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between
your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
|Yesterday 10:33 AM|
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and
while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate to make arrangements to send the body back
to the United States for proper burial.
The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that sending a body back to the United States for burial
was very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00. The Consul added that in most cases the person responsible for
the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back. That's what I want to do."
The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."
"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem.
On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance!"
|This thread has more than 10 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.|