|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|Yesterday 09:39 PM|
Answer to the TP crisis?? Bet cats would work too.
|Yesterday 11:32 AM|
A man and a woman meet on vacation and quickly fall in love. At the trip's end, they decide to open up to each other.
"It's only fair to warn you, Jody," Bill says. "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep, and breathe golf."
"Well, I'll be honest, too," Jody says. "I'm a hooker."
The man looks crestfallen for a moment, then says, "Are you keeping your wrists straight?"
|Yesterday 11:29 AM|
"What's the matter with you, telling everybody that I'm an idiot?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret."
|Yesterday 11:28 AM|
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Lunch is on me.
|Yesterday 01:31 AM|
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at a large plaque that hung there.
After the young man of seven had stood there for some time, the pastor walked up beside him and said quietly, "Good morning, son."
"Good morning, Pastor," replied the youngster, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Can I ask you, Sir, what is this for?
Why are all these names listed on here?"
"Well, son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together,
staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, Sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
|Yesterday 01:30 AM|
Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off,
an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in,
when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you."
While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it. When he returns with the coke,
the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it.
The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight. As the plane is landing, however,
the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
|04-06-2020 10:52 AM|
Q: Have you heard about the latest Polish invention?
A: It's an inflatable dart board.
|04-06-2020 10:51 AM|
During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled,
the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media.
The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope
agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House
to be with his family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, and discouraged,
and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.
Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a
great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed."
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."
|04-06-2020 03:18 AM|
A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender
tells him the drunk is Mr.Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr.Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees.
The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.
The man walks over and tries to wake Mr.Murphy but Mr.Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr.Murphy to his feet
and Mr.Murphy falls to the floor in a heap. "Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy
by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys.
Mr.Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car.
He then drives to the address the bartender gave him.
He opens the passenger door and helps Mr.Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly, now, the man helps him to
his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr.Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again.
He helps him to his feet as Mrs.Murphy answers the door.
"Hi, Mrs.Murphy, Your husband had too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home."
"That was nice of you," she says, looking around...... "But where's his wheelchair?"
|04-05-2020 09:55 PM|
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because he felt crummy.
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