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"yep, 'cuz it can't be a joke unless it is factually correct.
^this^"

don't care what they label them, I thought it was funny.
 

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A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free back to school shopping.
While in the sports shop the son picks up an Oklahoma jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Sooner fan and
I would like to wear this to school".

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".

Off goes the little lad with the Oklahoma jersey in hand and finds his mother.

"Mom?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey".

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"

Off he goes with the Oklahoma Jersey in hand and finds his father.

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey".

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT CRAP!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.

The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good son, what is it?"

To which the son replies, "I've only been a Oklahoma fan for an hour and I already hate you Texas bustards."
 

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Sorry Rosewood, I just read the message,I didn't connect it was you, then i would have "got it"!
best wishes
 

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Yep, 'cuz it can't be a joke unless it is factually correct.
Sometimes it is difficult to show sarcasm on the internet. Some forums I am a member of use green font. Some have cute little "smilies". Some don't have anything.

Sorry about that.

One of the five sentences in this reply is sarcasm.

:tango_face_wink:
 

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My mother says she never holds grudges but then will blindside you with something that happened years ago.

Last week she said, "You know, you really hurt me on your birthday."

And I was like, "Which birthday was that?"

So she replied, "The first one. You have a really big head, you know."
 

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After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had
been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

Yes, they help me sleep at night. "

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear,I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 1
6 year old granddaughter drinks . . . and believe me, it helps me sleep at night. "

You gotta love Grandmas!
 

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An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career ...
so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table ... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey,
I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive ... the son saw the note they had left.

Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined ... "

"Our son is going to be a politician!"
 

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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the
child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, Granddad is
working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy." Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say,
"It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman,
"It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and
no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William .......the little sh*t's name is Kevin."
 

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A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. So what are your plans? The father asks the young man. I am a Torah scholar. He says.
A Torah scholar, Hmmm, the father says. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to? I will study,
the young man said, and God will provide for us.

And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves? asks the father. I will concentrate on my studies, the young man replies,
God will provide for us.

And children? asks the father. How will you support children? Dont worry, sir, God will provide, replies the fiancé.

The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, How did it go, Honey?

The father answers, He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God .
 

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All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father,
grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day,
they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when George's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake.
George stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, George went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father,
his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into George's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July."
 

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A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, "We will all die some day,
and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event."

"Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment."

Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"

A gentleman said, " I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives."

"Very good!" ,said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction."

"That's wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks."

Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-laws home?"

Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said, "Because, that would be the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
 

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I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.
"How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes?
Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
 

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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say,
'And here's something for you, Diploma.' or 'This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma.' and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, 'Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?'

The grandmother replied, 'I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!'
 

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before!
All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheeks.
 

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
 

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Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain,
and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge------- into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.

Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG!
The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"
 

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Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?"
The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune.
All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter
from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years."
"What was the result?"
"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!"
 

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Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
 

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Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
 
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