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As I was lying around pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age, I really don't care anymore.

If walking were good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, eats mainly fish, drinks lots of water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs & hops a lot, but only lives 15 years, but

A tortoise doesn't run, does mostly nothing, and lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise??? I don't think so!!!

Just grant me the senility to forget those I never liked, the good fortune to remember those I do like, and the eye sight to tell the difference.

Some things I've discovered as I get older:

I started out with nothing, and still have most of it.

My wild oats now are mostly enjoyed with prunes & all bran.

I finally got my head together, and my body is falling apart

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

If all is not lost... where the **** is it??

It's a whole lot easier to get older, than wiser.

Some days you're the top dog, other days you're the hydrant.

I wish the buck really did stop here, I could use a few

Kids in the back seat cause accidents..

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere

The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

When I'm finally holding the right cards, they switch the game to chess.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth.

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the here after. I go into a room & wonder what I'm here after.

Funny.. I don't remember being absent minded,, did I already mention that??
 
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