Graybeard Outdoors banner

1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
hey i am 15 and i have alot of questions i post on here all the time i love hunting and go all the time hunting is good for me and helps me get my mind off of my life you see my dad is a truck driver and only comes home on saturday and leaves on monday so you see i dont get alot of time with him and when he is home he just gripes at me all the time he took my fan from me today because i left it on when i went to school he makes me mad i just wished i could have more time with him (i think) when he is home the only thing he wants to do is go to church we go to pentecostal church he freaks about everything he found a condom in my wallet and freaked and my mom told me that if she had a another kid like me she would kill it so you so i dont come from a real loving family the stuff they tell me really hurts well i dont know what i am doing on here telling yall all my problems sorry

bye :cry:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Discussion Starter #2
you might be right........

yeah the church thing might help but i dont have time to i am always with my g/f and it is the only thing i want to do ever just if they would leave me alone and let me be with her there wouldnt be a problem i love her and they cant seem to see that my mom and dad keep trying to say things to her and me to get us to break up and i just dont see why they would want to do that it makes no sense to me i believe in god and everything but it seems like my dad is making me draw farther away from it by making me go every sunday and sunday night my mom has to ask if she can stay home and he still gets mad i dont think she should have to ask i kinda wish they would get divorced he makes my mom cry and me he isnt no good for nothing.......remeber if you are a married man please dont start truck driving especially if you have kids.......


Craig oh and thanks everyone for you help
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
26,076 Posts
Craig I'm not sure I know any right words to say to you in this instance but I'll toss some out and hope some help.

I too was raised in a home where family was never close. Both parents were some what abusive physically and in this day and time what was done would likely have landed them both in jail for child abuse. As a result we really never we a truly close knit family and my dad and I never shared a lot of the things many experience with their fathers. He took me hunting ONCE in my life for instance even tho hunting was perhaps the single driving force in my young life. He was a fisherman and it was expected I'd go fishing when he and mom went. I enjoyed that too and didn't object. This is a little back ground to show you I do somewhat understand where you are coming from.

I've been watching your posts and the comments in regard you and your girl friend. When I saw the post where you said you had asked her to marry you and that she had accepted I had to wonder a bit since you are now 15 years of age. Questions that crossed my mind were: When might this marriage occur? Where would they live? How would you support a family at your age? Was the reason for this a case of getting pregnant? I guess others crossed my mind. Not necessary for you to answer any of these here, just saying these are the kinda things I wondered when I saw that post.

These are for the most part questions you must ask yourself and please be sure you have GOOD answers for them before you take such a step. Getting married is a BIG step to take in your life no matter the age. These days over 50% of marriages end in divorce and seldom last more than 2-3 years. If you two make a child together you will have a financial responsibilty for that child until they reach their mid 20s or so I believe. It can be a financial burden that absolutely over whelms you. Think long and hard on this before you use that condom (they ain't 100% effective) and also before you enter a marriage.

I assume at your age she would be of a similar age. So both would require parents to sign for a marriage for quite a few more years. I know that right now you love her deeply or at least you are sure you do. But time has a way of making things change. Some times for the better and some times for the worse. Give it time. If when you are both old enough to marry you are still in love then is plenty of time to take that action. I know a couple of my high school class mates that were in love all thru out school from maybe 7th or 8th grade and then married after graduation. By our first class reunion they were divorced. Marriage should be a life time commitment and until you are ready for it don't do it. Still with the one and only Mrs. GB since Sep. 3, 1965. Her only brother is still with his first and only wife. Her three sisters have all been through and done with one to three husbands. My three siblings have all long split from their original spouses. Our two oldest sons have been married and divorced, Matt a few times. So as you can see we don't come from families with good records of staying together but have beaten the odds. Tough times come and sticking it out takes all you have some times.

So I don't know what to tell you to do. If I had a crystal ball I'd not be broke all the time. Do think all your moves thru very carefully. Yes I agree it seems from what you've said your parents are pretty tough on you. Might were too for sure. Are you at least a little of the reason? Having the condom for instance would tend to make most folks think you and the girl friend are either already having sex or comtemplating it. I strongly urge you to NOT do so or if you have to not continue it. What will eventually come of that will be bad at best and can ruin the rest of your life at worst. A child at your age with you really still being one yourself is NOT a good thing even if you think otherwise.

Your options are no doubt very limited right now. Staying at home is likely the only one in that regard until you are older, have at least a high school education and have a full time steady job. So tough it out as I did and wait until you have high school behind you and a full time job. Then do whatever you feel is best. But do hold on that long. Don't mess up your entire life to avoid a bad situation right now that will pass in a few years that while they may seem like an eteernity really aren't.

If possible find a mentor or big brother father figure or whatever you want to call it. Be DARN sure they are of the right character tho. Do not mess with gangs or folks who do drugs or alcohol or get into trouble. Do not let these things ruin your life as it did so many of the folks I grew up with. Stay straight. Live right. Tough it out until you are an adult, have a high school education and a job. Then life will get better. But when it does only you can keep it that way.

GB
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Craig, this is one of the most difficult times that you and your parents will face. I have two sons. One is 24 and one is 18. I love both very much, but I have had some very serious dissagreements with each of them. It was about your age that these dissagreements happened. You're at the age that you're not a child and you're not a man. You're beginning to think on your own but you're dependent on your parents. I'm sure your parents love you very much. They feel an obligation to protect you because of this love. It hurts us parents when we see our children make mistakes and y'all get hurt because of it. You and your parents are in different worlds right now.
I too went through this with my parents. 99.9% of the people on this site went through the same thing with their parents. I can remember thinking how I hated them. This feeling will not last forever. I tell my sons how much I'm going to enjoy it when they have teenagers and then I smile at them. One day you will go through the same thing with your children.
Now about your girlfriend. Think of her and what kind of life she will have to lead if you can't support her and your children. It's not impossible but it is not good to live life without a good job. You see your family and compare them to others. Other familys have extras ( new clothes. a car to ride in, toys and a new gun like you yourself would like), but your family doesn't have these. They walk to the store to get what groceries the little money you have will buy. Your car is broke down and you can't afford to fix it. No toys for the kids when all the other kids have toys. And the worst part is when when the other children make fun of them because of it. Start thinking about the future if you really love her. Get an education and let your relationship grow before y'all make a move. Y'all have a long life ahead of you don't make it a difficult one. Love your parents and try to understand the problems they face in life. It's not easy on them especially if they feel you don't love them. Talk with them and do your best to listen to what they have to say.
Good luck Craig and I promise it is not as bad as it seems.
gw
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
i dont know

you see i do everything my mom and dad tells me to i have a new gun two in fact but anyways i am going to get a good education i will either go to college or make my living in the pbr association i want the best for my g/f no second best I LOVE HER VERY VERY MUCH and its not just i "think" i love her well ttyl bye

Craig
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
761 Posts
Craig>Sometimes Parrents do things that hurt, I went through it.I didn't have a Father when I grew up he was killed in the 2nd war so it was just my Mom and me,and she would get pritty rough on me,but I knew she Loved me no matter what she said when she was angry,and parents at times dont know how to say they are sorry for what they said during a time of anger.I know it is wrong but it happens.I to loved the outdoors when I was your age,and I found a lot of solidtude in the woods and spent a lot of time out there.It's hard to find the words to say to you to ease the pain,but mabe you have to reach out and make the first move if your father cant start a relation with you.
There is surely a future hope for you,and your hope will not be cut off.----proverbs 23:18. PS>I'm going to say I'm sorry to my Daughter right now.Lp.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
yeah but....

my mom is griping at me right now for being on the net and i just got on i am sick and tired of hearing this i dont gripe at her i just do what she says.and the only thing my dad does is come home get on the net or sleep he is lazy a wimp and all kinds of dumb crap he bought hima motorcycle and got mad at my mom because she sayed we couldnt afford it the only thing he does is gripe (when he is home) but i dont like him he gets on my nerves i know they are supposed to but they take it to far and they never have apoliogized for anything what kind of person tells their son that they dont want to have anyother kids because she is afraid it will turn out like me and that if she had a another kid like me she would kill it. the last time my parents sayed they loved me was when i was 9 well ttyl and thank all yall

Craig
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
Parents.......

are not always right, thats for sure.Another thing,they are always your parents,thats for sure.Craig,may I suggest you sit down with your Mom one on one and have a good heart to heart talk with her.Make sure the time is right and ask her to explain some things to you.Ask her some questions,explain yourself to her.Try to talk things out with her in a normal tone.Ask her to tell you things and explain some of the hurtful things that have happened. Things will never get better unless they are brought out in the open in the proper manner.Pray about it Craig,ask for help from who can give it.God doesn't like unpleasentness,only the devil enjoys this.If you will put God first in your life,your life will be the best there is. I am CAL...... :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
hey

I really appreciate yall I want yall to please pray for me and my girlfriend because i know as soon as she gets ungrounded she is gonna be quite "excited" shall i say and i know i will be to just pray the we make the right descision but i know were not i got some condoms and spermicide just please pray that we will make the right decision and will stay together forever well i appreciate all yall

Craig
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
okay

well me and her thought about it and were not having sex till we get married we thought it would be purdy special for both of us to lose our virginity if we waited till we got married no matter what the other kids say,i hvaent been on for a couple of days because i got in a fight because some dude pushed my girlfriend i got arrested because i showed him how much i love her lol

Craig
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Oh please! Are you gonna by a used car and testdrive it later too? You are too young to marry anything, if u love this girl stay with her till your an adult. And merry then! At your age you are a diffrent person than u will be in only a few years! It's called becoming an adult. And u don't really understand it till u have gone thru it! It's hard work for many of us but well worth it. Learn to take care of yourself first before u get a wife!!!

And one more thing! Keep having that condom in the wallet! it will save yourself from unwanted children and a LOT of other pain! Your sexlife is nobodys bizzniz!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,526 Posts
Your life

Well Craig, you got some damn fine advice from some of the best people around. People take people at face value on this web-site and try to answer their questions or concerns honestly. In this regard you have been advised and counselled by some fine, caring people. I hope you have read their advice and thought seriously about it.

I'm very glad that Matt told you like it is. It seems to me that just about everybody has coddled you a bit, feeling sorry for you with such a mean set of parents - a mom who says she doesn't love you and a dad who is never there and then gripes at you all the time when you don't think you're doing anything wrong. Well sorry kid, but but you're the only one who can make it get any better.

If you want a better life for yourself and your girfriend, keep your damned pants zipped up and work toward your high school graduation. You said you wanted to go to college - keep that in mind kid because if you can't control you emotions, and it sounds like you can't, you are going to have one of the most difficult times of your young life just growing old enough to think about college.

I'm not going to take it easy on you Mister, and you deserve that title. You get treated just like everyone else out there - no special favors for an unhappy 15 year old who can't see how tough it might be for everyone else, only himself. You're 15 and packing condoms - that makes you old enough to answer for your actions. And one of them is the possibility of statutory rape. I haven't seen that come up on this forum before but here in New York, you go to jail for that.

And remember the laws that say that if you have had a domestic judgement against you that you cannot own a gun - what the **** do you think statutory rape is?

I don't know what your girlfriend's parents are like, if they know how involved your relationship is with their daughter or what the two of you have done together but I'll tell you this - aside from those who take your plight at face value and try as best they can to advise and counsel and parent you and hold your puppy little hand, there are just as many out there who would offer you only two choices - the hospital or jail. The hospital after they get through breaking you in half for getting too involved with their 15 year old daughter, or jail for statutory rape.

Think about this - the two most important things to you right now are your girlfriend, with whom you are so much in love, and your desire to own/possess/shoot guns. Guess what you're going to lose immediately if you don't learn to control your actions and your emotions. Both.

Your continual arguements with your father are one indicator of your need to grow up and mature. A second is the arguement you had at school. So you got arrested for that - not a smart way to use your head if you ever want the freedoms you think you will enjoy as an adult. The third is your blatant disregard and disrespect for yourself and your girlfriend with your apparent needs to play house. At age 5 that was cute. At age 15 it is wholly inappropriate and clearly the wrong thing to do. If you can't learn from the advice provided by the other responders to your questions, get some from your high school guidance counselor or high school nurse - someone who should let you have it straight.

Or, here's another choice for you kid - psychiatric hospitalization. Got lots of kids just like you in our state run psych hospitals - just like you. Every single danged one of them has the same problem: Mom doesn't love me, dad is always on my ass, I love my girlfriend and we want to get married. It's incredible how many of you must watch the same television shows - you all seem to grow up wanting full adult 'freedoms' without the attendant responsibilities. That simply means that you need to 'GROW UP'.

In essense you complain: My Mom stopped telling me she loved me (when she thought I was old enough to have learned that and can now grow into some state of maturity so as not to need Mommy to tell me she loves me all the time). My Dad is gone all the time and only wants to go to church or fishing when he is home and is always on my butt about something, and went ballistic when he saw the condom in my wallet.

Did you ever stop to think for one lousy minute that your Dad is doing the best he can to provide for you and your mother. He's gone all (all damned) week long and is only home on such and such a day and is always on your case about something. Well kid, grow up! Instead of wondering if your father is going to have a case of the ass when he gets home because you haven't done something, try doing it before he gets home. Duh! Think about it kid, think ahead to avoid a bad situation.

He only wants to go to church on Sundays - he's probably praying for guidance on how not to really harm you for messing with a 15 year old girl. His solitude is found in fishing - yours is found in wanting to be alone in the woods to go hunting. Ever think about trying to combine the two? Ever hear of a Rod and Gun Club (fishin' and huntin', kid - combines both). Ever think of trying to get your Dad involved in one of those with you or are you just too damned busy bellyachin' about his not spending enough time with you - why don't you try spending some time with him? There are two sides to each coin buster, stop trying to see if it's going to come up your way all the time.

I know men from these forums who drive for a living and don't seem to have anything but a few hours to spend at home, when they finally get a break. Try living that kind of a life kid and maybe you'll turn out like some of them - grateful for the few chances they have to spend time with their families. Try doing what your father does - you put your danged self in his shoes for once - just try and see if you can even think you can handle it.

Did you ever ask your father if you could help him with some of his chores or does he have to tell you what needs to be done? If it is the later, you need to learn to think ahead.

Alright kid, here's the scoop - you're fifteen. Old enough to think straight and to do the right thing but apparently confused. You are also old enough to learn how to control your emotions and to learn to pitch in and carry a full family load. That's man's work, not a boy's chore. You cry about your family being dysfunctional because of this and that - **** kid, they're carrying your load. It isn't them, it's you. You want the responsibilities of adulthood and maturity without once demonstrating that you are capable of handling those responsibilities. This is where you need to grow up.

Remember the bit about psychiatric hospitalization - here's what happens to those kids who do the same thing you do - nothing, period. Nothing happens to those kids. They never get out of the system. They stay forever. Whether it's a children's facility or whether they age into an adult facility, they never leave. They still dribble their medications and mashed potatoes all over their shirts - they still piss their pants because of all the pills they have to take, and they still cry like little babies because they didn't think far enough ahead to understand that the situation they are now in is one they created for themselves. They tried to manipulate the world into giving them what they wanted, but what they got wasn't the same thing at all. Remember the old saying - 'be careful of what you ask for, because what you get may not be what you wanted'. Think about that as you are growing up. You want an 'adult' relationship with your girlfriend but what you might get from it may not be the way you ever in your whole young little life thought it would turn out. The same goes for jail if her dad doesn't like you enough not to bring statutory charges against you.

You've got a chance now, and I think you have just about one chance, to learn how to think like an adult and how to act like an adult, which means carrying an adult load when it needs to be carried and making adult decisions, or fall flat on your face like some of the others. You need to control yourself and control your girlfriend if she can't control herself.

You're fiftheen and it's time for decision making. If you can't do it yourself then talk to an adult who can help you. Talk face to face with an adult, not through the web. You need an adult to see your face when you're talking up all your complaints. Netting can't substitute for that.

You now have some indication of how some people might see you and now, I think, is the time for YOU to begin changing and begin learning how to live as a right thinking adult. You're going to be old enough soon enough to move out on your own or to try and support yourself through college. If you begin thinking about the results of your actions now, you will have a better chance at succeeding and getting what you want from life.

I don't want a response from you mister, this was free. You can keep it or chuck it. I would even advise showing it to your parents seeing as how they complain about your being on the net too much and let them try to understand the advise you seek from others - it may help them too. But one thing you're going to have to learn quickly is that you can't blame your mistakes or failures on anyone other than yourself.

You want adult freedoms, then grow up and demonstrate that you are mature enough to handle them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Sounds like you have gotten some good advice from a lot of people who really care about what happens to you. I am not THAT far from the teenage years and I can remember the drama involved in growing up. Remember that you don't know everything, no of us really does, but those of us who are a little older look back on many of the things in our teenage years and laugh about how big of a deal they were back then and how insignificant they are now.
Some of the inputs you got on this post were less than gentle. Keep your hide tough and know that they all care about helping you even if it seems they are just dogging you. It's a real man who can take this kind of advice without getting all sensetive about it. Don't be affraid to look in the mirror during this process and be proactive. If you want to improve your relationship with your parents, make the first move. Don't wait for them to come to you. I have my third kid due any day now, and when I make mistakes with them or lose my temper because I had a crap-ass day, it is often hard to admit it to them that I was wrong. Parents are supposed to know everything and always be right, but we are as human as everyone else. Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
Craigs Dilemna

Well I've put off registering because I typically use my PC at the office on breaks to catch up on posts for informational purposes.

Craig, there isn't much that can be said over the internet that hasn't been said. It's just impossible to convey to you the gravity of your decisions through this media.

Briefly, that void that you're trying to fill with the lady you love...it won't go away if you two get together. It's beyond that my brother.

In years of working with youth professionally I can't tell you how many young men have stood at your crossroads and couldn't rise above their perspective to hear the voice of reason. A 30 year mortgage doesn't have the costs associated with it that your choices do at this point...just ask Matt.

Until you and your dad can communicate, seek out a man you respect that is solid, & stable. If you won't talk to one person to person then you don't really want the best...you just want what you want.

Involve that older fella...maybe an uncle, in your decision making process . It'll take a man to help you be one under these circumstances because you've already demonstrated that capability isn't there yet in you.

My Prayers and those of my wife are with you.

"Don't ask me the answers I only have one. A man leaves his darkness when he follows the Son"...Larry Norman
[/b]
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
hey i am 15 too, and dont get married, it could be the worst thing even if you do love her alot, dont you already have enough to worry about?
and you dont want kids either, and i know how you feel about your dad,

it is like you never get to see him and then when you finally do see him it is like you dont want to see him, cause he is being such a jerk, my dad is the same, he plays a big part ina company and i hardly get to see him till the weekend.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Craig,

You subconsciously put a very accurate title on this thread. You are a VERY DISTURBED YOUTH!

My friend, you are not in love with your girlfriend. You are in LUST with her. That is evidenced by the oral sex activity, and yes Martha it is sex no matter what our ex-President said. And it is evidenced by the condoms in your billfold. Your mind is on SEX with your girlfirend. That is LUST, NOT love.

How closely did you read the story Matt told? I don't think he came right out and said it, but the young "man" of 15 he was talking about was HIM! He knows of what he speaks. He knows the where the path leads that you are contemplating taking. It is a path that leads to destruction!

Make as much an effort to establish a positive relationship with your parents as you do to have a sexual relationship with your girlfriend and maybe you can start a new thread titled "Stable and Happy Youth!" Which path will you take?

Bill
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
784 Posts
If you love her you would stop having any type of sex with her. The bible says stay away from any impure thoughts. And for good reason, sin has no boundaries, it always wants more and more. You need to pray together and encourage each other with your self control.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
hey

well let me tell you its not lust we havent had sex in alomst two months and i still dont want to have sex with her when we broke up my life was thrown away and god did it hurt so bad there are alot of girls that have asked me out that are more physically attractive than her but i just keep telling them no because i love her so much and know she will come to her senses and go back out with me she even said she wanted to get back together just not right now well i the only thing i want to do is hold her and never let her go she sayed she stilled loved me and but she said she didnt want a boyfriend right now i told her i would do anything for her and she sayed just leave her alone and give it time so thats what i am doing. man "our" song was its your love by tim mcgraw and faith hill and the night she broke up with me i woke up to that song on the radio at three o clock in the morning crying i still cry at night because i just love her so much but i just cant seem to change her mind no matter what i do she just wont coooperate if yall hae any suggestions please let me know just dont tell me to blow her off and find someone else because that isnt an option oh by the wa my dad bought me a truck i turn 16 in may on the 11th my truck is a 83 dodge pickup its purdy kool. oh and if any of you guys want o email me i changed the adress it is now "[email protected]"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
Hello Craig, I been wondering where ya been? So,ya got er truck from ya Dad? Well if I was you I would not have it.Nope I sure wouldn't think of it. No truck for me from er Dad what finds fault and raises all kinds er ****.Specially since he didn't approve of ya condoms in ya billfold at 15 yrs.old. I believe I would have to turn that truck down.Don't dare accept no truck from ya Dad what wants you to go to church all tha time and stays on tha road working too.I would give a kings ransom to hear my Daddy just one more time.Ya see Craig my Daddy went to live with the lord some 20 yrs.ago and my Mother went 10years before Daddy. Neither one ever gave me a truck but I got more love and support than I knew what to do with.As I grew older I realized their fussing and punishment had a reason. They were teaching me respect,responsibility,truthfulness,and values just to name a few.Ya know,girlfriends come and go and you try to love all of them and think you can't live without any of them but find you can! Mothers and Daddys only come once and when they go there is no more. Another thing too,ya folks are the only people in the whole world that give er hoot whether you have a warm place to sleep tonight and whether your belly is full or not.Friends will help for a short while then they will expect you to make some kind of move.Take er step backwards and look ya Mom and Dad over Craig. Trust me,Ya might just need to hug both of them and while ya at it tell them you love them and thank them for making you accept responsibility,teaching you right from wrong and all the other good qualities they are trying for. It is much easier for a parent to allow their children to do as they wish right or wrong. I just wonder if you think any of us that post here would try to lead you the wrong way. Each of us have to answer to almighty God for what we do and say,just like you!----- I am CAL....
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top